Feeling truelly alone....

2.  So I am going to try this whole typing out my feelings thing. Worth a shot.
   
   So I went to a dance “alone” last night and I felt really alone/not attractive. I got all dressed up, straightened my hair and tried to be “beautiful.” I think I smelled bad?!  I danced with only two guys….both being my friends. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I usually don’t care what people think and I ask guys to dance with me. But last night, I couldn’t. My feelings for one person makes me shut down. I have been through a lot in my life….but when i am “interested” in a guy, I don’t look anymore. Makes me feel like a cheater, or like i’m not working on a relationship I only want. I just got out of a thing that I put all the effort into and in the end, got pushed away. I still care for this person, but he is over me and moving on. I wasn’t good enough.
   
   So moving back to the dance, I thought it was really boring. The music and the whole set up was great….but me going alone and no one caring that i tried to be gorgeous made me feel alone. I know I don’t need a guy to make me happy, but it helps. The moment I felt really alone was when the dance was over, no one said bye to me, and I walked to my dorm alone.
   
   I try hard to be a good friend and try to be there for others. But in the end, the always pull out. I don’t know if I really am not good enough, or if something is wrong with me?  When I like a guy I try to be there for em, to be a good friend, and also show that I care about them. I don’t really know what else I have to do? When I care, or we get “physical”, I get thrown to the side and another girl becomes better then me.
   
   I need to realize that I am worth something….and that maybe, just maybe, I might be beautiful to some guys. I am not a cheater, or a lair.  But yet some how….I still am not good enough for the guy I like.